I'm doing this reflection to give feedback about the process after my weight loss. Let me emphasize, my results, failures and/or successes, are of my own. This does NOT mean you will get the same results.
I did this fast, somewhat out of desperation, I think. I was in a rut in my own relationship with my significant other...my self esteem was pretty low. I hated everything about me. I thought that weight loss would change everything in my world.
Eh.
The results were this:
1. I found it really hard to maintain the weight loss...I didn't prepare for the aftermath...like what would I eat? How much of it was okay?
2. When I stopped eating then restarted, everything tasted good...the healthy stuff and especially the BAD stuff. I guess when you let your taste-buds rest, it lets them recuperate. I couldn't believe what I was missing out on. I just wanted more of everything!
3. People are so happy to see you eat after all the torturous weeks of seeing you eat squat. So you're not going to see friends and family change what they serve you. Food in your face everywhere. I received a LOT of grief over my fasting. It sucked because I didn't get support for this whole fiasco.
4. Some will resent your weight loss. Some will be outright mean. My own mom thought I looked "bitchier" being skinner. Granted it wasn't even a big loss in the whole picture of things. I felt so sad because I thought my newfound confidence was shining through, instead I looked bitchy or stuck up. I should have thought "so what", but it mattered to me what my friends and family thought. I think unconsciously I gained my weight back because I wanted to make everyone happy.
5. I didn't learn anything healthy during my weight loss. Not eating got me away from the act, but I obsessed about food. The eating pains went away once I used to it, but I was fighting it the whole time.
6. I just realized I gained all my weight and another 20 pounds. I don't know if my body did this because it was physiologically going through changes (repercussions) or if my mind read all this in books and magazines and therefore I gained it and then some. Either way, I gained more than I originally weighed, although that was over a two year period...so I'm not sure.
7. I gave myself excuses to give up. Sad. I'm pretty sure this stems from more than what's on the surface. I also felt like I somewhat didn't deserve it. Now, on this date though, it's a whole different feeling.
So now what?
That's a good question.
I've gone through some dramatic changes. Not my body, other than gaining that extra 20 pounds...but something that I think is way better than this whole weight loss thing.
It's my mind.
You can't do anything about the body if your mind and soul cannot follow suit. Your body follows what the mind thinks is true. If you think you don't deserve to be skinny, it will be so. If you make excuses to remain over weight, it will be so.
My solution. Change the mind and the soul...then change the body. You must do this first before you can see anything change on your body.
For six months straight in 2013, I worked out like crazy. Did the whole gym rat thing. I lost maybe 10 pounds. It was the hardest 10 pound loss of my life. I hired a trainer, nothing. I take it back, I was sore. I hated it! I did this gym thing out of habit by the sixth month, I was so happy my brother couldn't take me to the gym anymore. I made excuses to not go and eventually stopped going all together. I gained those 10 pounds back.
But while doing that, I was on a journey learning about my mind...my soul. I was struggling with my thoughts for those months. Now it's been a year. I realized that my mind wasn't healthy. Not that I thought like a fat person, but because I thought of myself less deserving of a happy life. I didn't know how to say no to anybody, I sat miserable in giving in to people, including my kids. I pretended that it was okay to sacrifice myself for the sake of others.
Don't get me wrong, if this diet works for you, great. Maybe you're more strong-willed than you thought. For me, I already knew what the problem was, it's me. But it has nothing to do with willpower, it has to do with retraining the mind, conditioning it to be a resilient engine. Then everything will fall in it's place.
So I'm restarting a whole new blog. More like blogs because I can't see myself doing one without the other. And it doesn't make sense to put it all in one because it becomes too general. This is where this blog takes a bow out and if you want, follow me on my newest journey.
The following blogs have been created to meet certain goals:
LOA Co-creators - A blog I share with my brothers about the law of attraction. How to use it to obtain your desires, including weight loss. Hint-hint. This would be the mind part I'm talking to you about
Health blog - Yet to be named. I will also share this blog with my brothers. We all have different goals. I will talk about weight loss, one of my brothers will share his journey with weight gain and vegetarianism and my other brother I have yet to ask if he want to participate. His goal would most likely be about weight gain for those who have an extremely hard time gaining...I guess for the underweight.
The links to the side will guide you to my new blogs once they're up and running.
Thank you for sticking it out with me and reading my entries. I urge you to join me on the other side.
